Sick of your Skin

And the sound of my heart breaking is still more audible than the whispers of my doubts.

Ever have those days where more than anything you just don't want to be inside your own skin?

Today is one of those days. Where I'm so low down in myself I don't even know where positive thinking is.
I like to kid myself that I'm doing ok, and that I'm handling everything that is happening with grace and respect for myself. Realistically, I know I'm lying to myself. My confidence is probably as low as it has been over the past few years, I did something I thought I wouldn't reduce myself to. I ordered diet pills. I don't know what possessed me; probably the same feeling of not being good enough that haunted me for years, yet I thought I had that under control. Maybe the fact I'm in love with someone who clearly doesn't want me back is messing up my thoughts but all rational thought seems to have gone out of the window.
Maybe I post all this on here in all irrational hope that he'll check out this blog, realise what it's doing to me and realise he doesn't wanna let me go. Realise that I'm still here waiting. And I don't know how to stop waiting, I don't know how to stop my heart breaking.
I don't know why I post this, maybe I just want somebody to take it all away. To make this all stop. Because somethings gotta give. I can't go on living a life where I don't feel like myself. But what else can I do.