I'm a terrible, terrible person.

This blog isn't a sympathy one, just somewhere to put my thoughts.
Ok so I know I haven't blogged in....MONTHS. Buuuuut, I've been busy. like mega busy. and then recently, I've had to deal with something I thought I wouldn't have to at least for a very long time.
Loves something I never thought I'd find. I came close to it, but kept my mouth shut. And with good reason, both of these relationships took a backward turn. But then, lo and behold, there was someone different. Someone who appreciated women, like actually appreciated them for who they are. Made me feel worth it, good enough, pretty enough and that I didn't have to act like someone else, I didn't have to lose weight, I didn't have to be perfect, because to them, I was already close enough...or so it seemed.
Things can change in what seems like a split second.
No matter how much things have been crossing your mind, you never think it'll be enough to change your life in a split second. The first time I ever told someone I loved them. I gave them my heart and my trust. Alas it didn't work out. Perhaps I was naive, perhaps too trusting, perhaps I just wanted to believe.
It's weird the response you get from this, you deserve better, you'll find someone who deserves you, but what if you feel you don't, that if anything, you don't deserve them. "i feel you deserve better". What are you supposed to take from that. If anything it's not freed me to go find someone better, I was happy, all that means now is that it's going to take me longer to trust again, that I'm not going to feel comfortable putting myself out there. But what can I do? Lay in bed all day? Drink? Waste my money? I'm lucky I have the friends and family that I do. The ones that stay up till 1 in the morning speaking to me, the ones who deal with my constant texting, the ones who wake me up in the morning and force me out of bed and to do something productive. So when life and heartbreak gets you down, there's only one thing you can do, keep smiling, keep  busy and appreciate the ones who've chosen to stay by your side.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJWIbIe0N90